IT HAPPENED IN CHURCH

I am aware that my friend, the late D.P. Denton, has used my title to his bit of script, and I barrow it from him. I am thinking that some of my readers may be interested. It is pretty well agreed upon that we tend to remember the funny, the strange and unusual more readily than the sermons. Once in a service I heard Bro. W.C. Spaur ask the question: "What would you think if you came in and found me and your wife sitting on the buffet?" This drew quite a lot of laughter. Doubtless he had meant to say sofa or divan. When things calmed down, he started, "I'm glad I said that. Now you will remember one thing I said tonight." That happened 70 years ago, and that's all I remember about the sermon.


About 1938 or '39, the trio of Lucile Baker, Elvira England and Carol Yocum was singing for a tent revival at Bronson, Kansas. While they were on the platform singing a cat and her string of kittens decided to get religion and came marching single-file down the aisle toward the platform. Elvira, I think it was, for her tickle-box was easily upset, choked a little, then broke out laughing. The other two had a break-down and followed suit. The audience, of cue, followed their lead, thinking the girls got blessed. It was quite a time of "blessing," actually generated by a cat and kittens.


A good Tennessee Brother whom I knew long ago was preaching in an old camp meeting tabernacle. This preacher, though not tall, was quite stocky in build and jumped a lot when he preached - a quite unique way to add emphasis to his preaching. Obviously, the flooring of the old tabernacle was decayed, and in one of his leaps, he broke through the floor and sank up to about his neck. Not to be deterred by such an insignificant matter, he clambered up out of the wreckage and went on with his message. Awhile back, I held a meeting in this man's church and stayed in his home. Well, that was 70 years ago, lacking one year. He told me of another embarrassing incident that occurred when he was preaching. He was wearing a pair of light weight "summer" pants, like all of us wore in those days. In one of his characteristic leaps, he came down so hard that his britches split at the seam all the way down from his belt line. A lady preacher, who shall remain unnamed said, "Oh, Bro. S., You busted your pants."


"As if I didn't know it," he continued. He did the proper thing, backed off and set down saying, "Sister C., you take the service." This she did, gave an alter call, and several came as seekers. All during this time, the preacher man remained seated with head bowed. The people remarked that Bro. S. was under a terrible burden. He didn't even participate in the prayers for the seekers.


After all had left the meeting, the preacher recovered from his reverie and made his way homeward.

A WORD ABOUT BIBLE CRITICS

The people who are most blessed by the Bible are, without question, those who believe it and receive it as the Word of God. That there are statements and passages hard to comprehend all will agree. Even the Apostle Peter spoke of St. Paul's writings as "some things hard to be understood" II Peter 3:16.


Most all of our Bible is written in Hebrew and Greek, and in those languages, as in other tongues strange to us, there are employed sayings expressed in what we call "figurative language" and "folk" sayings. For example, "the beam in one's eye" Matt. 7:4, or the camel to go through the eye of a needle - Matt. 19:24. Others are found in the Revelation. In Chapter 11:8, " And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified." And again in 17:1, " The great whore that sitteth upon many waters." Now proceed to verse 15, "The waters ... where the whore sitteth are peoples, and multitudes, and nations, and tongues." Also Rev. 17:7, "The mystery of the woman and the beast ... which hath seven heads" and verse 9, "The seven heads are seven mountains on which the woman sitteth." Incidentally, there are seven hills along the Tiber. I have seen them and know their names: Palatine, Capitoline, Esquiline, Viminal, Aventine, Caelian and Quirinal. Is there any other place that fits this description?


One of the objections of critics is that the Bible contradicts itself. Take a case in point. Proverbs 26:4 states: " Answer not a fool according to his folly" and the very next verse: "Answer a fool according to his folly." Which is right? Both. Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't! It depends on the occasion. Sometimes it would be like "casting your pearls before swine."


I knew Dr. Walter Wilson only slightly. He pastored a Baptist Church in Kansas City while I was also a pastor there. Once a critic told him, "You can't prove that one thing in the Bible is true." Dr. Wilson replied, "Yes I can If you will stand for it!" He then quoted Prov. 30:33: "Surely ... the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood."


Once while I was on vacation I met a fine young man who was employed by the National Forest Services. On a Sunday afternoon when we were both n camp we were engaged in conversation. He stated that he had a problem with the Bible because there were so many contradictions in it.


My reply was something like this: "Well, let's check this out. What are some of them?"


An embarrassed look came over his face, and he admitted, "I guess I don't know any."


Somebody had sold him a bill of goods, probably when he was in college.

WORDS AND PRINCIPALS TO LIVE BY

Psalm 119:9 Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.


Psalm 119:11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.


Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.


Joshua 1:8 This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.


Then let us consider some guidelines others have set for themselves.


Mrs. Susannah Wesley, wife of Rev. Samuel Wesley and mother to John and Charles, was the twenty-fifth child of Dr. Samuel Annesley. She was the mother of nineteen children, "most of whom lived to be educated, and ten came to man and woman's estate." All of her children were educated by herself.


Mrs. Wesley's statement in a letter to her son Charles: "Whatever dulls the sensitiveness on my spirit towards God, or take the fine edge off my thought of Him - must be ruled out, for He is my Lord. Whatever injures or weakens my body, or affects the mastery of it - must be ruled out, for it is the temple of the Lord. Whatever adversely affects the clearness of my witness of Jesus Christ before others - must be ruled out for it was His parting wish that I should be a witness of Him. Whatever may cause my brother to stumble in his Christian life - must be ruled out, for that would grieve Jesus."


Here is the rule of J. Wilbur Chapman: "The rule that governs my life is this: Anything that dims my vision of Christ, or takes away my taste for Bible study, or cramps my prayer life, or makes Christian work difficult, is wrong for me, and I must, as a Christian, turn away from it. This simple rule may help you find a safe road for your feet along life's road.

TO TELL THE TRUTH

I was surprised to learn from a daily devotional book that about a score of years ago a certain Mr. Hirsh Goldberg had established a National Honesty Day "as a day to honor the honorable and encourage honesty." That day is April 30. Here is his reason for selecting the last day of the month. "April begins with a day dedicated to lying (April Fool's Day) and should end on a higher moral note."


Well, I'm all for it, but haven't noted any discernable improvement. In fact, it surely hasn't been announced or observed in our national capital. Perhaps it would be so new to them that it would interrupt normal proceedings.


I heard this on the radio. A boy in West Virginia won a contest. He took first place in a "Liar's Contest," a person who could stretch the truth farther than anyone. The report went on to say that he was headed for Washington D.C. to study political science. I predict that he'll fit in there without any waiting period.


We have had a hard time in our country to develop real saints. According to the Catholic Church, the first native born American to be sainted was Elizabeth Ann Seaton, who died at Emmitsburg, Maryland Jan. 4, 1821. It took the church until 1975 to get her on the official records. Perhaps she got tired waiting for her halo. About the time they sainted her, they dumped several dozen who had been "saints" for many years!


I like God's way of making saints a lot better! And He is at it all the time! Also, I like Paul's doctrine of "absent from the body, present with the Lord."


I have a comfortable feeling and an active faith in reading the passage where Jesus tells us that He is the Good Shepherd who know His sheep. That's us! And His sheep know the Shepherd! He knows us not only by name, but by nature, character and conduct. He states plainly, "I am the truth". The apostle John in his second epistle uses the word "truth" five times in the first four verses. Then in his third epistle states, " I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth".


None of us is perfect in knowledge or performance, but Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, can work with our imperfection. However, insincerity and hypocrisy close the door. Such are "not of His," because not of the truth. He is "a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart" Heb. 4:12. "For the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by Him actions are weighed." I Sam. 2:3.